Not So Perfect!

It seems like forever since I have been on here. Sometimes it seems like life just slips right by without even giving you a chance to take it all in.Well, I have been realizing some things in the past few months, or years, that God has brought to my attention. I'm not exactly ready to share all of the things that He has shown me, but I will try to explain.
When I was a teenager, I felt a strong calling from God. It was, well, I guess you could say it was a vision He gave me. Ever since then, I have felt completely inadequate to live this vision out. I have in fact run away as far as I think I possibly could from that day. I know God's purpose for my life, but can he really use me? I am so far in my mind from being ready for what God has laid on my heart, yet the passion burns so strongly inside of me that I can't put out the flame, even if I tried. I hope this makes sense to whoever reads this. I think some will be able to relate because I think that once Satan know that we know God's purpose for our lives, he does everything he can to try to get us as far from that reality as he possibly can. So, for many years, I have not taken this "vision" very seriously, but I have never felt as strong as I do about it at this time in my life. So, back to feeling so unable to do what He asks of me. I have made many mistakes in my life that I feel like God surely is making a mistake giving me this "vision", right? Could this be God's first mistake ever? Nope, He doesn't make mistakes. The problem with me is that I feel that I am never going to be smart enough, theological enough, good enough, perfect enough.......STOP!!!! I don't have to be......HE IS! So I have decided to shift my frame of mind to just that, I will NEVER be good enough, theological enough, smart enough, or even perfect. God is all of those, and I don't have to be. I just need to surrender, and let Him use me! I am going to say things that I shouldn't, yell when I shouldn't, get angry when I shouldn't, and do things that I shouldn't. All I need to do is try to be the woman of God that I have been called to be. God will change my heart and do all of the work for me, if I will just surrender myself as a vessel. Now that is one thing that I can do very easily. I just tend to take things back from Him and try to do it myself. We women are like that. We are natural born "fixer-uppers", right? So, this is going to be quite the adventure for me. I am going to just trust that God knows what he is doing, even if I am not sure how He is going to do it. I am in good hands.
This might not have made sense to anyone reading, but I just needed to vent and get these things out of my head. I hope you all have a great week!

God Bless!
Julie G.